It was a still and sunny afternoon, It was Chap Goh Mei holiday that day. I went out to order some takeout. I got bored of eating the same food at the cafeteria. I head out along with Nes, my friend. As soon as we reached the restaurant, I got this sort of weird feeling that something is just not right. Then it hit me-grandmama. Early in the morning, I got a call from my mom saying that grandmama will be leaving us soon, and that she has only a few short breaths to live. I got worried and I patiently waited for my parents call. After I finished my meal, my phone vibrated. I hesitated a little...
"Hello?"... it was my little sis. "Grandma had just took her last breath...the doctor confirmed her death. it was on 12p.m.". I shook a little. All I could say was "Oh...". And that's it. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know how to react...I just can't cry since Nes was around. After that we went back to our dorms. I thought about the old memories that I spent with my grandmama. Her laughter, her strict face, her smile... even though I didn't get to spend much of my time with her, I felt relieved because she finally isn't suffering anymore and is happy now. I suddenly remembered the japanese song she used to sang when I was young. So, I called my parents and I sang it to my parents. I missed her and my family so much...
Then, I wrote a letter. Here's how it read-
A Granddaughter’s Wish
Dear Grandmama,
I’m sorry grandmamma for I cannot come and visit you for the past few days or maybe weeks. Since I couldn’t be at your funeral, so, I have prepared this letter as a token of not spending the last few moments with you and I wish you could listen to your son who is going to read this letter. This is my wish to you-grandmama.
This was the first time I wrote such an emotional letter. Even though it’s not handwritten, but, the fact was I still cried. Though you are not here, but I know you are listening. Grandma, you have showed me a thousand wonders in this world, even though I never took those words seriously last time, but, now, I regretted the fact that when I knew you were right-you just weren’t there anymore. Yet, I listened and followed my heart in knowing what to do and who I want to be.
I don’t have that much of a wish but I hope that you will grant this wish of mine and I hope I’m not too hesitant. I bet three is enough, right? Ok, I wish that my family would grow stronger than ever. I want their bond to never break and that it will last forever. I missed the moments when we were still young and lively. It’s been quite a long time since we as a family enjoyed Chinese new year together as a family in that house in Tenom. All I hear right now are family issues that occurred in the family. What about the last time? So, grandmamma, please grant us the strength to move forward and be one again-as a one big Kok family.
Secondly, I wished that those who had taken good care of you in the past few years, had been blessed for what they had done. I also want you to be happy up there grandma, and be the first star to shine every night. I know this is a bit too much and it sounds quite like a stupid fairytale, but, I myself believed in them and I hoped that it will happen. Grandmama, please be at peace and shine as bright as the star at night.
Last but not least-this is my last and final wish. I hope that no matter what happens-you will always be there…with us. And we always stick together as one big family.
Grandmamma, I missed you, and I remembered the Japanese song you used to sing to us and make us all laugh. Your jokes, your stories, had bought people to favor in you. Thanks for all the memories you had given us, and thanks for all the wonderful patchwork you had done on the pillow cases, blankets etc. I hope I can be like you someday. I’m sorry if sometimes I got angry with you for spitting on the floor, and I’m sorry I got angry at you when you shouted non-stop from morning till night…hey, you are happy now, so I’m glad.
For all the listeners, thanks for being great listeners and sorry I couldn’t be there. I hope you are strong and endure this life. Life is full of tough choices, and no denying life is about-letting go. But, you will keep all these memories deep down inside your heart and cherish it forever. Framed it and never throw it away.
All right, I will end this letter here. May her soul R.I.P. Thank you everyone and my deepest condolences to your lost.
Yours sincerely,
Nicole
so to sum it all up...
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